Aug 2,2011

I never seem to write in diaries anymore, i'll use this as my diary. I guess I had forgotten how great it felt to write your thoughts and feelings down. I was reminded of the process by reading my past diaries. These diaries are from when I was 9 to about 15, but what I noticed about those early entries, mostly the ones from when I was 9, was the simplicity of it all. I think I've forgotten to live life without letting the small rejections, road blocks, and just reality get to me. I didn't twist reality into this whole falsified world in my head, I took a failure or rejection and brushed it off and put it behind me, and looked ahead to the next fun thing to do. This skill is what i have lost along these years. I've gotten caught up in caring about what people think and how they perceive me, that i hold myself back from saying or doing the things i want or trying anything! I should really be focusing on what i think and asking myself what is really true? I am a very bright, attractive, sweet young woman with all the possibilities in the world waiting for me. But this swallowing problem of mine, feels like it has gotten to me. It feels like I can never get back to normal again, but I have to tell myself the truth. I CAN swallow, I did it for 19 years of my life no problem. I made it to 19 years! If I did it once, there is no possible way I can't do it again! What makes me think I can't do it again? Only I am stopping myself, I can get back there! There's going to be challenges along the way, but that the only way I will get stronger. I'm just finding my strength, the strength i though i never had. I've started the journey of find and showing myself the strength within me. Now everytime I'm feeling down because of this problem i have, I will look back and read this. I must not forget my own words! I pray to god that I can get through this!